My Random Thoughts & Dirty Laundry

Quinn is 12 months and 2 weeks today and I hate to make such a prediction but I think she may be my earliest walker. She is taking little steps (like 1-3) at least once a day and she is standing up in the middle of the floor. She has been bending down to get things and standing back up. She is cruising around the furniture really fast. Right now I can't see the forest through the trees and I'd like to believe that the memories of my crawling Quinn will be freshly preserved forever but when I think back to my other crawlers- I only have a few specific/funny incidences that I remember. I hate how memories fade and become cloudy. I want to remember Quinn just like she is today, forever.

Tonight I went to the All4Kids consignment sale that I sell in (my 2nd time as a seller- I have attended for several years) and I got her some late birthday presents. We were sick around her birthday and I knew this was coming up in 2 weeks. I got her a push behind/walker toy stroller and she loves it and can even pick it up, I got her a FP piggy coin bank, a bubble gum machine with the big clear balls, and a fridge farmer baby toy. I put away all of her baby toys tonight and am really sad about it. I know when I pull them back out for #5 it will seem like it was just yesterday when I packed them up. It always does. When getting ready for the consignment sale I was working in the basement and pulling out Riley's old cloths for Payton and Skyler's old clothes for Quinn to take spring/summer inventory and see what I need, and I remember being so sad when I pack things up but I love pulling everything back out. The memories come flooding back and I can't wait to see the next precious little one in line make new memories in the same clothes. We've also re-used a lot of diapers on Quinn that belonged to Skyler. The best part of putting away baby things is knowing that there will always be another precious baby to wear them. I can't believe I am only going to have one more. I have so many mixed emotions about it but I am looking forward to having my entire family together for the first, it is going to be an awesome feeling and a new chapter in our lives...and one spoiled rotten baby...oh wait, we've had 4 of those already :)

Mornings are my best time of day. Around here I like to start my morning out reading the Bible and drinking caffeine and my entire day is better when I have a meeting with God before it starts. The kiddos let me sleep in this morning, the weather is warm but stormy, our windows are open. Payton is sitting at the table with his Beanie Baby birdie tipping his cereal bowl up to drink it and I can see the back of his fuzzy bed head, Skyler is dancing in her princess dress with baby rattles on her toes and in her hands, Quinn is playing with her music table and Riley is spending the night with my sister.

I can brew some changes in our family's future and I am really excited to see what God has in store for us. I am ready to accept whatever he leads us to and ready and waiting for instructions. I am constantly praying for Him to fill me up with more of Him and less of myself. I want to see Him, know Him and feel Him...I want His will for my life even if it is not my own. I want to please Him even when it is hard for my flesh. I want to worship and exalt Him during the great times and during the storms. We've been filling our lives with worship and our perspective is now a heavenly perspective rather than a worldly one. I am becoming someone I used to judge. My family has been under attack from Satan because we've been following God's will for our lives. He has attacked my entire family with illness, lies, rumors, hate, persecution, threats, judgement. I know it is a spiritual battle to knock us down. God has also given me messages of peace and comfort almost daily to combat the evil that is trying to crumble our lives. Satan is no match for God. I opened my Bible on Monday and God shared this with me John 15:18-19 If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Oh, so that is a perfect explanation of why the world, secular people and Satan hates us, it also makes all the pain and suffering so glorious to know that Jesus suffered first, and God has chosen us out of the world, how amazing, glorious and WORTH it everything is we are going through. If I am hated for the sake of the LORD I am fine being disliked. 1 day later God sent me another message explaining our hardships 1 Peter 3:14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.". I have had several more personal messages from God in the past week all from different places in the Bible all pertaining to personal situations in our lives. I love it God shows up big and shows off his mighty powers. Our earthly issues are nothing for him. He loves bold and audacious prayers from his hurting children so he can have an opportunity to show up, show off things that only He can do.

Okay, I am getting a little long winded and have tons of chores I could be doing but I need to brag for a second how amazing my heavenly Daddy is and how he can pour so much peace and love on a hurting family it washes away all fears and doubt about life. It even makes me excited to follow where he leads us even if my flesh hates change.

I am so over this and ready to kick it in the butt. In one way it is easier to have mastitis when your nursling is little because then people understand why you're trying to savor the breastfeeding relationship but once that 1st birthday hits all sympathy and support turns in to questioning why you're still doing it with all those issues. So I don't really like telling anyone about it and I decided now is a better time than never to figure out the truth on natural remedies and mastitis. I know that there are 2 types of mastitis- a topical mastitis and an actual bacterial infection that won't go away without antibiotics and it is hard to tell the two apart unless your milk is cultured, or your abscess, or puss..something that comes from the infection. I can tell you with 100% certainty mine is bacterial. I have had it 5 times since October (that is once per month) and often it will last weeks. It has never gone away without an antibiotic or gotten better, it has gotten significantly worse until I take one. I waited so long with once case of it, it took me days to get better even with the antibiotic. I don't like too much medications, but there are times when I am a firm believer in them- they have cured me multiple occasions.

My last case the OB who called in the meds told me I had to quit breastfeeding and my OB told me she wanted me to go to an infectious disease doctor. I keep thinking to myself that I KNOW this is going to be the last case and when it is over it is out of my mind until it is back.

This time is different, something has to give with my over 12 month old baby.

I had someone private message me and suggested I do something her midwife suggested.

Did I even mention I woke up with mastitis today? Tonight Special K went grocery shopping for me- bless him. He got me garlic pills, probiotics, vitamin c pills, and organic unpasturized unfiltered apple cider vinegar. That is my new regimen until I am not sure when.

I am praying that this new, safe and natural approach will be far better than the antibiotics that don't work long term for me.

I guess the next step if this fails is seeing my OB and the specialist she suggest. I am not giving up because of hardships.

Here is my beautiful, hand made by Special K book shelf/hutch. We bought some decorative knobs to hang under it so we can hang up things under it. I am so proud of it and have I mentioned I LOVE storage/organization?!

*update* I posted this photo on Facebook and had immediate concerns with the door. Haha. I guess I should have explained. The door is my back door. It is rarely ever used. It leads to a 10x10 or so deck with no stairs down. The door can still be opened 75% of the way. I need storage a thousand times more than I need a full opening door!

We've been doing some new projects around the house. We finished some bead board in our boys room (we hope to let the boys share our largest room soon) and we pained it bright blue. We got them a bunk bed and we're about to start decorating. This weekend we decided to tile our kitchen! We're getting new carpet in the next week or two.

My house is very small and conservative and we've lived here for 7 years now and have not done much. We decided we have to move or we have to personalize it so I will want to stay. So, we decided to personalize.

We've made life manageable for 6 people in a 1500 square foot house. We have learned all sorts of ways to store things and organize. With my new floors I am thinking we'll have another 1-2 years to live here.

We haven't done grout yet but here it is, my itty bitty (adorable) kitchen.




Here I am tonight, day FIVE of this project. I am almost used to living in my living room with my fridge, stove and table. We're done grouting tonight and won't seal until this Sunday. I will post an update when we move back in to our kitchen WHOOHOO! Jumping from the roof tops!

All done! This itty bitty room is the most used room in the house. I cannot wait for school tomorrow! YAY!

Dear Quinn,

My baby...my 35 week, 6 lbs 13 ounces, lot, of of crazy brown hair, blue eyed, precious miracle baby girl, Oh....*sigh* I can't believe it is here. I can't believe you're already 1. I have no clue where the time has went. Your pregnancy and birth is still so fresh in my mind. The ups and downs and scares along the way. With your pregnancy journey in particular I had a closeness with God that I have never experienced before you, and it has continued after. You are a miracle, I know all mothers say all of their kids are miracles and while I whole heartedly believe that. From the sub chronic hemorrhage I had in the 1st trimester, to the life threatening accreta scare in the 2nd and 3rd trimester, the short cervix, contractions, medications, bedrest, to the premature baby, the thin uterus, no NICU. You were nothing short of a perfect miracle and God's plan. You were oh so worth it, a million zillion times over. He told me He would deliver us and oh, how I underestimated His greatness and what he could really do.

Your pregnancy and first year flew by, and it seems like yesterday when you were a sleeping baby on my shoulder and I loved the smell of your baby breath and your precious frog legs and extra small cloth diapers. I wish I could have one more day with you as a zero year old baby, but I can't and I have to accept that and move on. I have to live in the moment and cherish every day with you. Every night when I nurse you to sleep and snuggle you in the middle of the night I pray over your little body.

You have added just the right variety of spice to our family. You have such a well-rounded personality. You are so sweet and easy going but have temper when you need to, you are wild and crazy and act like you don't care when someone knocks you over, runs into you, steps on you, wrestles you, gets in your face, and takes your toys. But when a stranger gets near you, you act so shy and sad. Before I had you, I always knew a piece of our family puzzle was missing and envisioned you all along. God made you so much more amazing than I ever could have dreamed. You are so special, so loved, so spoiled, and so lucky to have a family that loves you to bits. I love you from the tip top of your little blonde hair to your chubby sweet baby feet.

Look how much you've grown from Feb 2011




To Feb 2012 - day before your birthday

I have had no time to blog lately and I seriously think about it every day! It is so hard to fit in Bible reading, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, planning, friends/social life, illnesses, and being a wife all into an almost daily occurance. It sounds so easy when I am typing it out..but when I am living it, it is a different story! I have days where I look at the clock and it is nearly 3 o'clock and we're just about to eat!

The first thing that kept me away from my blog was my computer got a virus. It took 2 weeks to fix. I got it back and had to get all my old programs back, along with the add-on's, fonts, book-marks, etc. That alone took me a zillion years.

Then life took us on a family vacation to Michigan! We had a blast with our family there. God placed us there during a sad but important time. While we were there my best friend's grandpa who raised her died. I am glad I was there for her but it was very sad. I have came home and have done a little work, spent time with family, church and just life.

We have also started a new and very exciting chapter in our lives, I wish I had time to go into more detail on WHY but maybe I will later. We have decided to homeschool Riley too! We came home from Michigan and pulled him right out. Crazy, I know! It wasn't anything that went wrong with the school, no financial troubles, no specific incident. We just had conviction after conviction (I'll go into more details later) and God spoke to us, we weren't sure about the timing but we got a clear answer on our trip and God told us to do it immediately without hesitation. We did. 2 weeks into it and it has been such a blessing. We all love it!

We have implemented some new (always gentle) parenting techniques and have seen some wonderful results in all of our children!

Quinn has been sick for weeks with a bugger nose. She got a fever, her first one since she was born and was sick for 4-5 days. We survived without seeing a doctor and without any antibiotics.

I, on the other hand aren't as lucky. I have mastitis and am on an antibiotic now. I am battling my 5th case of mastitis since Quinn has been born. I have been told by the weekend on call doctor that I "had" to quit breastfeeding and it is just not "normal" and I am going to get an abscess...I told her I had no plans of stopping and have already had an abscess and nursed through it.

Friday Quinn got her 3rd tooth, it was her top right. The left looks like it will pop through any day. We had Quinn's birthday party this weekend and hope to edit this with pictures. It was a small family covered dish party. She LOVED her cake and got it everywhere.

Today is Valentines Day and Kevin got Skyler a rose and teddy bear and sat it in her room while she was sleeping. I have never seen a little girl so happy and in love. Next year he's going to have to get Quinn something as well. We're spending our Valentines Day helping my parents fix a plumbing problem and going out to eat with them too. We made cup cakes for school and a candy heart color chart for math.

Tomorrow I'm starting a new Bible study with the girls from church, my dad is starting to paint my boys room, and my precious baby is turning 1. Next week we are tiling the kitchen and installing new carpet in the living room!

We have been busy.busy.busy! Life just keeps flying by! I think about recording life events every day and have all these ideas is great post swirling in my head. Maybe rather than cleaning a few mornings a week during homeschool I can sneak away to blog! Feels good to be back.